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威尼斯最新网址 “‘每月一译’ 翻译之星” 2020年6月点评


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【原文】

        白雪与青草

            

[1] 自然景色中,青草与白雪是最伟大的现象。

 

[2] 造物者描写“自然”这幅大画图时,对于春红、秋艳,都只是轻描淡写。

 

[3] 到了描写白雪与青草,他就毫不吝惜颜料,用刷子大块地涂抹,使屋屋皆白,山山皆青。 这是何等泼辣的画风!而草色青青,连天遍野,尤为和平可亲,大公无私的春色。

 

[4] 花木有时被关闭在私人的庭园里,草则到处自生自长,不择贵贱高下。人都以为花是春的作品,其实春工不在花枝,而在于草。

 

[5] 看花的能有几人?草则广泛地生长在大地的表面,普遍地受大众的欣赏。一年好景,无过于此时。自然对人的恩宠,也以此时为最深厚了。

 

 

【点评】

 

      就题目而言,许多人将“白雪”译成 White Snow, 其实大可不必,因通常来讲,雪还有其它颜色吗?而该词组让人更多联想到的是“白雪公主”;故译为Snow and Grasses 即可。 

对于[1],较为典型的参赛译文,如 Snowfield and grassland are two greatest works in natureWhite snow and green grass are the greatest views among the natural sceneryIn nature, green grasses and white snow are the two greatest beauties 等;分析起来,“自然景色中”似乎是 in nature  in the natural colorful world, 更确切的应为 in the natural landscapelandscape的本义为an expanse of scenery that can be seen in a single view而“最伟大的现象”,显然不宜用greatest works in nature而为 the greatest / grandest phenomena因而,该句不妨译为:Grass and snow are the grandest phenomena in the natural landscape.

[2],“造物者”可译为God  the Creator;(造物者描写自然这幅大画图时对于春红、秋艳都只是轻描淡写”,可用 touch on lightlytouch on lightly; adumbratea light sketch and simple writing 等,但若用 paints … 便不妨用 with a light brush。故该句可译为: In portraying the big picture of nature, the Creator paints spring and autumn with a light brush.

[3],“到了描写白雪与青草他就毫不吝惜颜料用刷子大块地涂抹使屋屋皆白山山皆青”,若译成 While portraying the snow and the grass, he sweeps his brush over the picture and paints without restraint, so that all the roofs become white and all the mountains turn green. / However, when he draws snow and grass, he paints with patches of thick and heavy colors, making all the houses white and all the mountains green. / The snow and grass, however, are painted passionately. The white snow-capped houses and green grass-covered mountains constitute most of the splendid picture scroll. 似还没有译出毫不吝惜”之意,比较而言,不如 When it comes to snow and grass, he lavishes his paint and daubs all of the roofs with white and mountains with green. / But when it comes to the portrayal of white snow and green grass, he takes back all his parsimony and becomes extremely generous to use colors, painting in thick stroke with a brush, whitening all the houses and greening all the mountains. / When it came to painting the white snow and green grass, he spared no dye to wave his brush, making all the houses white and all the hills green 等;同时该句似还可译成 To describe the snow and grass, he did not hesitate to paint with a large brush daubing so that all houses are white and all mountains are green然而,若与前面的译文相呼应,则可不妨变通为 He is so generous in daubing the pigment, making every house white and every mountain green这是何等泼辣的画风!” 一般译成 How bright and bold the picture is! / What a stimulating drawing style it is! / How strongly amazing his painting style is! 其实,就其对比描写而言,此处更多的是一种 sharply contrast连天遍野是一种渲染描述可不必直译为 connecting the heaven and allover the wildness; 同时,对“和平可亲”、“大公无私”、“春色”也要作相应变通,以融合在句式中。因而,整句不妨译为:When it comes to snow and grass, however, He is so generous in daubing the pigment, making every house white and every mountain green. What a sharply contrasting painting style! The vast grassland seemingly connecting the heaven and earth is so amiable, embodying the selfless spring scenery.

[4],“花木有时被关闭在私人的庭园里草则到处……两句有对比、转折关系故不妨用 While…, grasses can… 的句式;“不择贵贱高下”,有的译成 without the affection for nobleness or prejudice against humbleness似乎过于复杂,同时亦不是 regardless of dignity而是指 regardless of the status of the place they grow; 人都以为花是春的作品,实际是一种习惯上的感觉,故不妨用 conventionally; 不在于而在于…” 可用句式 not so much in … as in … 故此,这两句不妨译为:While flowers and trees are sometimes enclosed in private gardens, grasses can flourish everywhere regardless of the status of the place they grow. Conventionally, flowers are seen as the works of spring; in fact, spring is reflected not so much in flowers as in grasses. 

对于[5],一般都按原文的语气和句式译成 How many people can appreciate flowers? But grass grows widely across the fields, generally accepting appreciation. The scenery at this time is the greatest of the year. And nature’s favor to man is the deepest. / How many people could watch flowers blooming? Meanwhile grass grows everywhere on earth and widely appreciated by us. This is the best time of the year to see such wonderful scene which is also the most fascinating present given by the nature. / How many people can enjoy flowers? But grass grows all over the fields, and is generally accepted and admired. The scenery at this time of the year is the best while the nature bestows its deepest kindness to humans. 然而,分析起来,看花的能有几人看似问句实则作者的语气是肯定的故可用句式 one thing is for sure that… ; 自然对人的恩宠”可用 the grace of nature with man, 但为句式表达通顺,亦可用 people are favored by nature … that … 。因而,整段不妨译为:One thing is for sure that only a few people can really appreciate flowers compared with grass which spreading out everywhere, can be enjoyed by the wider public. People are favored by nature so greatly that no time is better than now.   

总之,对于原文的理解不应止于字面意思,而应争求“力透纸背”,从而使译文更加准确、完整。

 

 

【参考译文】

     

                                  Snow and Grass

  

[1] Grass and snow are the grandest phenomena in the natural landscape.

 

[2] In portraying the big picture of nature, the Creator paints spring and autumn with a light brush. When it comes to snow and grass, however, He is so generous in daubing the pigment, making every house white and every mountain green. What a sharply contrasting painting style!

 

[3] The vast grassland seemingly connecting the heaven and earth is so amiable, embodying the selfless spring scenery.

 

[4] While flowers and trees are sometimes enclosed in private gardens, grasses can flourish everywhere regardless of the status of the place they grow. Conventionally, flowers are seen as the works of spring; in fact, spring is reflected not so much in flowers as in grasses.

 

  [5] One thing is for sure that only a few people can really appreciate flowers compared with grass which spreading out everywhere, can be enjoyed by the wider public. People are favored by nature so greatly that no time is better than now.